Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a people pleaser. For as long as I can remember, I have been terrified of hurting others’ feelings, getting rejected by those around me, or disappointing those closest to me. I guess that’s why this post has taken me so long to write. You see, I’ve started writing this multiple different times in the last year and a half. However, every time I’ve started a post on this topic, I find myself talking in circles. I end up making little to no sense or just not getting to the point at all. So, this time around, I decided to keep it simple. No restrictions or trying to phrase things in a way that will please everyone. Just me myself and I.
If you’re someone I’ve met in the last 2 years, or someone who goes to Belmont, chances are, this post will probably lead you to think “well, yeah, no shit. Why’d you wait so long to post about it?” or something like that. If you’re just now starting to figure out what this might be addressing, well, welcome, and I hope I don’t blow your mind too much.
For those of you who don’t know or haven’t figured it out by now, I’m not straight. Surprise! I identify as asexual, ace for short. This is one of those things that can mean a variety of different things depending on the person, so the definition I’m about to give you is purely my own and does not apply to any other asexual person you may meet. For me, being asexual means that I do not experience sexual attraction. I have no desire to have sex with anyone in any way, shape, or form. I can recognize that certain physical features of a person make them look beautiful, but when someone labels someone as “hot,” I have pretty much no idea what that means. I don’t see people as “sexy.”
However, before you go getting your panties in a wad, just because I am asexual does not mean my dreams of someday getting married and raising a family with my best friend have changed. Those are very much still some goals in my life. And, yes, asexual people can still fall in love and get married.
Keep in mind that sexual attraction is completely different than romantic attraction. So, while I am asexual, I still experience romantic attraction. Meaning I still want to have a romantic relationship with someone. The cuddling and kissing and loving parts of relationships are indeed possible without sex. Sex is not the end all be all to a relationship.
Romantically speaking, I’m not sure how I truly identify. I have had romantic crushes on females, males, and non-binary people. Knowing this means I’m pretty open to dating just about anyone as long as they’re not a total asshole. The gender of the person I’ll end up sharing my life with remains a question that we probably won’t know the answer to until it happens. You’re guess is as good as mine. I don’t feel like this is something that needs to have a label on it just yet and, in all honesty, I’m not too worried about it.
Don’t ask me why I decided to say something publicly about it right now. The short answer, its pride month. The long answer, well, that’s a whole other story. Bottom line, the people who I feel most “needed” or “deserved” to know, knew pretty much as soon as I knew. Some people have speculated for a while and this will be the answer to all their unasked questions. For others (and, no offense, but if you haven’t been at least a little bit curious about my sexuality you’ve probably been living under a rock for the last 2 years, if not longer), this is a complete shock and you may need time to process this.
If you’re completely against this for whatever reason, and I know some of my family and friends may be, that’s fine. It can be something we never speak of again. After all, what I do (or don’t do) in the bedroom is none of your business. I won’t ask you what you do, you don’t ask me what I do, and we can all stay in the little “everyone is straight” bubble that so many people like to be in. If you don’t care, cool. We’ll move on business as usual. If you’re supportive, awesome. Having allies on my side is always appreciated.
If you have questions, ask them! I’m more than happy to answer them as long as you ask them in a respectful way. For example, don’t ask me if I’m a plant. Yes, you are right, plants reproduce asexually. Good job, you remember basic science. However, if you ask me that, I’m pretty likely to ignore you and every other conversation you may try to have about my sexuality. Also, don’t tell me to get my hormones checked. I’ve heard this time and time again and I promise my hormones have nothing to do with this. Telling me this is just simply invalidating my identity and, again, I’ll be likely to ignore you. Ask me things like what being asexual means to me. Ask me what my ideal relationship looks like. Ask me about otters. No, otters have nothing to do with being ace, but I love otters and will talk your ear off about them.
So, no, I’m not straight. I’m not gay. I’m ace. And darn proud of it.