It’s been awhile since I posted on here and there are a few reasons behind it. The biggest reason being the fact that I don’t know how to put the way I’ve been feeling lately into words. I’m still not sure how great this is going to be, but I’ll do my best to put this into coherent sentences.
I guess the best way to put this is I’m tired. I’m tired of being everyone’s last choice. I’m tired of people saying “well so-and-so couldn’t go so I thought I’d as you.” Like, wow, I’m honored. I’m tired of being the person who waits up until my eyes literally can’t stay open anymore for a call that was supposed to happen hours ago. I’m tired of doing everything wrong even when I try so hard to do it write. I’m tired of being the one to initiate all contact and plan all get-togethers. I’m tired of giving 110 percent while everyone around me is barely giving 10. I’m tired of hiding my own feelings and opinions so those around me can be happy and have their way. I’m tired of feeling like quite literally nothing I do is ever good enough. I’m tired. Physically and mentally.
So, yeah. I haven’t been posting much lately because I type for hours only to delete it all in the end. I haven’t been posting because I’ve been staying up until 1am waiting for people to call as promised. I haven’t been posting because I’m sick and tired of just about everything around me. I’m hoping this post will get me back into the swing of things. I’ve texted almost everyone I know asking for help with ideas of what to post and, hopefully, some new posts will be underway this weekend and I’ll be back to posting on schedule.